Everyone I talk to who is over the age
of thirty says no way they would trade places with me. Not because my life is
so rampant with complications, but because of this stage of life.
Right now I am deciding how far I want
my education to go. Where I want to live. What I want to do. Who I want to do coffee with and who I’d prefer to avoid. Then that coffee
thing turns into something and then what? Or it doesn’t and there I am with the
exact same set of questions.
My roommate’s father once asked me
what I wanted to do in life and where - pretty basic before-college-graduation
questions. So I thought. I didn’t realize I was being vague until he said that
it was good I didn’t have specifics because I couldn’t really decide anything
without knowing who I was going to marry.
Gee thanks.
He didn’t mean to be annoying or rude.
But he had a valid point. A lot of my decisions now (ahem, all of them) will
have their effects on the rest of my life. Throwing myself into my education
then a career will close a lot of doors when it comes to family. I would love
to get my doctorate and teach and everything that entails, but if I’m in school
until I’m in my later twenties then have to focus on building my reputation as
an academic I will not have the time nor the energy to devote to family until
I’m well into my thirties. By that point I’ll have a life built; adding
complications again won’t sound like something I’d like to invest in.
At the same time, I do not believe it
is biblical to sit around and wait for marriage and a family to fall into my
lap. That’s lazy and sinful. Proverbs is full of verses on how horrible
laziness is and how much there is to do in life. Especially Proverbs 31, the
perfect woman chapter, that girl always had something she was doing. So that
rules out being a bum or living in my parent’s basement forever – trust me it’s
been tempting.
Now, obviously, I’m praying like crazy for God’s will to be mine, but that doesn’t mean
I’ll hear an answer right away. So I continue to pray and gradually make my
choices. And then pray that what I decided wasn’t a mistake. Sometimes I change
my choice before it was final and other times I’ve not liked it at all where it
landed me but I know I’m there for a reason.
I just wish I knew all the reasons.
And all the right choices.
Because my list of questions is
getting bigger every time I look…
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