Everyone I talk to who is over the age of thirty says no way they would trade places with me. Not because my life is so rampant with complications, but because of this stage of life.
Right now I am deciding how far I want my education to go. Where I want to live. What I want to do. Who I want to do coffee with and who I’d prefer to avoid. Then that coffee thing turns into something and then what? Or it doesn’t and there I am with the exact same set of questions.
My roommate’s father once asked me what I wanted to do in life and where - pretty basic before-college-graduation questions. So I thought. I didn’t realize I was being vague until he said that it was good I didn’t have specifics because I couldn’t really decide anything without knowing who I was going to marry.
He didn’t mean to be annoying or rude. But he had a valid point. A lot of my decisions now (ahem, all of them) will have their effects on the rest of my life. Throwing myself into my education then a career will close a lot of doors when it comes to family. I would love to get my doctorate and teach and everything that entails, but if I’m in school until I’m in my later twenties then have to focus on building my reputation as an academic I will not have the time nor the energy to devote to family until I’m well into my thirties. By that point I’ll have a life built; adding complications again won’t sound like something I’d like to invest in.
At the same time, I do not believe it is biblical to sit around and wait for marriage and a family to fall into my lap. That’s lazy and sinful. Proverbs is full of verses on how horrible laziness is and how much there is to do in life. Especially Proverbs 31, the perfect woman chapter, that girl always had something she was doing. So that rules out being a bum or living in my parent’s basement forever – trust me it’s been tempting.
Now, obviously, I’m praying like crazy for God’s will to be mine, but that doesn’t mean I’ll hear an answer right away. So I continue to pray and gradually make my choices. And then pray that what I decided wasn’t a mistake. Sometimes I change my choice before it was final and other times I’ve not liked it at all where it landed me but I know I’m there for a reason.
I just wish I knew all the reasons.
And all the right choices.
Because my list of questions is getting bigger every time I look…