I know so many couples.
People at church, from school, that I grew up with; people I see while running
errands or out with my friends. So. Many. Couples.
And I love it.
It is so beautiful to see
people living out the love they promised before God and before family and
friends.
What’s less great is how
they talk to me, their single friend.
There seem to be two
spectrums. On the one side they want to set me up with all their bachelor
friends and sometimes he turns out to have waited on them once at this tiny
restaurant called…but he was cute at least kind of! So I should really let them
try because I just really ought to be married too. A coffee outing turns into a
pre-proposal they get so excited at the hope of a relationship.
Thanks guys, now I don’t
have to be desperate, you make it clear I am.
The other side tells me the
horror stories of their marriages. How he never listens and she quit being
interested in him or how all marriage does is make people fight. They make
their relationships out to be an awful mess.
And who would want that?
The spectrum.
Really, though, that’s not
an accurate title.
Because YOU married folks
are on both ends. Usually in the same conversation.
And all the single people
see it.
You married folks mean so
well, you want us to have just what you’ve got. Then you go and complain about
your spouse or tell me how miserable your last fight was.
Misery loves company?
At least, that’s what I
hear.
I am so tired of it. Stop
telling me how awful your relationship is then in the next breath try to force
me into
one.
My view of marriage is a
high one. I believe in “ahava.” That
when you make your marriage vows you’re admitting the person you’re marrying is
broken, ugly even. But you’re staying. Because the promise you make isn’t
afraid of ugly or dealing with conflict or working through cranky people and
miscommunication and disease and kids and in-laws and jobs and annoying quirks
and whatever else gets in the way of butterflies.
I’m sorry you’re unhappy in
your relationship.
Stop complaining. Do
something. There is a ridiculous amount of resources to help you strengthen
your relationship from books to podcasts to counseling. DO SOMETHING.
And stop telling your
single friends how awful marriage is.
The problem isn’t marriage,
it’s you.
Straighten out your view of
why you’re married. What you promised and why you’re so miserable.
At marriage you signed up
for ahava. The time to start living
it was twenty minutes ago. You’re right in thinking that I’m just a young, single
girl. What do I know? I’m single because I don’t want the misery you’ve got. I
haven’t found that relationship where ahava is possible. You have. Congratulations.
Really, I mean that.
But please, don’t waste
that. Don’t fall into the displeasure of the moment and waste what you have
right now.
It’s like I always tell my
roommates, don’t shoot for happy. Happiness is cheap; joy is what we’re after.
[Listen to this sermon for
a better view of ahava]
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