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So You Got Married:

I know so many couples. People at church, from school, that I grew up with; people I see while running errands or out with my friends. So. Many. Couples.

And I love it.

It is so beautiful to see people living out the love they promised before God and before family and friends.

What’s less great is how they talk to me, their single friend.

There seem to be two spectrums. On the one side they want to set me up with all their bachelor friends and sometimes he turns out to have waited on them once at this tiny restaurant called…but he was cute at least kind of! So I should really let them try because I just really ought to be married too. A coffee outing turns into a pre-proposal they get so excited at the hope of a relationship.

Thanks guys, now I don’t have to be desperate, you make it clear I am.

The other side tells me the horror stories of their marriages. How he never listens and she quit being interested in him or how all marriage does is make people fight. They make their relationships out to be an awful mess.

And who would want that?

The spectrum.

Really, though, that’s not an accurate title.

Because YOU married folks are on both ends. Usually in the same conversation.

And all the single people see it.

You married folks mean so well, you want us to have just what you’ve got. Then you go and complain about your spouse or tell me how miserable your last fight was.

Misery loves company?

At least, that’s what I hear.

I am so tired of it. Stop telling me how awful your relationship is then in the next breath try to force me into 

My view of marriage is a high one. I believe in “ahava.” That when you make your marriage vows you’re admitting the person you’re marrying is broken, ugly even. But you’re staying. Because the promise you make isn’t afraid of ugly or dealing with conflict or working through cranky people and miscommunication and disease and kids and in-laws and jobs and annoying quirks and whatever else gets in the way of butterflies.

I’m sorry you’re unhappy in your relationship.

Stop complaining. Do something. There is a ridiculous amount of resources to help you strengthen your relationship from books to podcasts to counseling. DO SOMETHING.

And stop telling your single friends how awful marriage is.

The problem isn’t marriage, it’s you.

Straighten out your view of why you’re married. What you promised and why you’re so miserable.

At marriage you signed up for ahava. The time to start living it was twenty minutes ago. You’re right in thinking that I’m just a young, single girl. What do I know? I’m single because I don’t want the misery you’ve got. I haven’t found that relationship where ahava  is possible. You have. Congratulations. Really, I mean that.

But please, don’t waste that. Don’t fall into the displeasure of the moment and waste what you have right now.

It’s like I always tell my roommates, don’t shoot for happy. Happiness is cheap; joy is what we’re after.

[Listen to this sermon for a better view of ahava]


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