Life is about learning, and I love to learn. But I don’t always love life. That’s not to say I’m looking to the grave. No, rather I’m looking at Heaven. Days go by and more people I love now call it home. My paternal grandmother used to say she was lonesome for Heaven – she isn’t anymore. I am though.
Heaven is something I love to think about, yet try to avoid. I could easily, have easily, spent hours daydreaming about what eternity will be like. How it will feel to sing praises to God as He sits on His throne. Imagine what a picnic with Ruth and Esther would be like. Tried to envision my heroes of the faith gathered around a campfire telling stories of how great our God is. Of just watching Jesus interact with the Father. What I picture is to me so filled with beauty there are tears blocking my vision and a cry choking my throat after having taken five seconds to write about them.
“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, …
Sensitive people get to me; in a negative way. I can’t stand the wishy-washy, back-and-forth mindset that seems to pervade their life. The “what ifs” and “if only I’d...” thoughts that consume, if slowly, entire lives, I cannot handle it. I have realized why:
The mass confusion, the chaotic retracing maybes devour me regularly.
Often I call it “stupid girl-brain.” And no, it isn’t always to do with a love interest, but 99 percent of the time it is about some sort of relationship (fam, friends, and love.) The stupid girl-brain has a habit of overanalyzing a situation, a sentence, a look, until every possible meaning has been taken out and looked into for accuracy – according to the stupid girl-brain. Sometimes this even includes adding expressions and words the SGB “knows” the other person meant. My baby sister would refer to this as a face palm moment and as much as I agree with her, I don’t know how to turn off my SGB.
Even as I write this I’m trying to imagine how the people I desp…