Sensitive people get to me; in a negative way. I can’t stand the wishy-washy, back-and-forth mindset that seems to pervade their life. The “what ifs” and “if only I’d...” thoughts that consume, if slowly, entire lives, I cannot handle it. I have realized why:
The mass confusion, the chaotic retracing maybes devour me regularly.
Often I call it “stupid girl-brain.” And no, it isn’t always to do with a love interest, but 99 percent of the time it is about some sort of relationship (fam, friends, and love.) The stupid girl-brain has a habit of overanalyzing a situation, a sentence, a look, until every possible meaning has been taken out and looked into for accuracy – according to the stupid girl-brain. Sometimes this even includes adding expressions and words the SGB “knows” the other person meant. My baby sister would refer to this as a face palm moment and as much as I agree with her, I don’t know how to turn off my SGB.
|SGB: Even fries have something deep to say|
Even as I write this I’m trying to imagine how the people I desperately need to understand this ridiculous part of me will react; SGB is saying be oblivious or pull a TLDR. And as silly as it is, it matters to me. What people say, the looks, the silence. Meaning is everywhere and only very rarely do people do things with no meaning. So I suppose I have trained myself to search for it. This talent comes in handy when people watching – be careful I pick up more than you want me to – but when it comes to people close to me, suddenly I can’t find North so to speak.
My certainty in meaning deserts me. Their flippant comments are really veiled insults, compliments must have hidden agendas and forget any casual conversation because that signals the end of a friendship. Usually I get over it pretty quickly and realize how silly I am acting because yes, thoughts do lead to actions and my messed up interpretations change how I act around and directly with people. Then there are other times when I clearly see what I am doing and how exaggerated and even unfounded my claims are, but on they go as insults rise.
Maybe I just like to sabotage my relationships. That way I can destroy the connection before I give the person a change to injure me. SGB usually kicks in during a time of growth in a relationship.
This is a problem.
I see it.
I need to change it.
One crazy, over-stepping thought at a time.
From one SGB, goodnight and may your reveries be beautiful as the world that embraces us.