The past year or so I have been
working with the youth group at the church I grew up in. Such an odd thing to
wrap my mind around. The group that in so many ways formed who I am today is
something I still get to be there for. Though now I'm the responsible one. The
mature one. As our interim pastor says, "the one with all the
answers." (He JOKES anyway).
I show up and help lead where I can. Because
it's what is needed. And it's a calling I feel I have on my life. To work with
young people, to help teach.
The irony is that my journey lately has taken me through a
struggle with discipline. Becoming the person I need to be and doing the
actions to get me there. I watch my husband and it seems so easy for him while
for me often it's a battle of but
I don't want to.
And I have to admit comparisons have only intensified that
feeling. It's so easy to sit back and deny what I ought to do in favor of
what's right in front of me.
But I've been so blessed with strong friends and a patient husband
who have continued to challenge me. My life is so much more than my
circumstances. What I think I have to offer is different from what God has
called me to give. And that gap that I seem to be stuck on, the pause of
I-don't-need-to-because-I-can't, is wrong. My lack of discipline isn't because
I don't understand what discipline is or why I need it. It's a fear of losing
comfort. The more that becomes clear to me the more I want to lean farther into
my couch, blanket pulled up high.
But I’m also filled with hope. Hope
that there is more to my life than what I see right now. Hope that this scary
feeling is really just the beginning of something wonderful.
This past week we talked about how
faith makes us give things up, but if we don’t give them up now we’ll end up losing
them in the long run. I get it. I know that. But the application of it has been
my journey. Is it yours too?
Comments