The past year or so I have been working with the youth group at the church I grew up in. Such an odd thing to wrap my mind around. The group that in so many ways formed who I am today is something I still get to be there for. Though now I'm the responsible one. The mature one. As our interim pastor says, "the one with all the answers." (He JOKES anyway).
I show up and help lead where I can. Because it's what is needed. And it's a calling I feel I have on my life. To work with young people, to help teach.
The irony is that my journey lately has taken me through a struggle with discipline. Becoming the person I need to be and doing the actions to get me there. I watch my husband and it seems so easy for him while for me often it's a battle of but I don't want to.
And I have to admit comparisons have only intensified that feeling. It's so easy to sit back and deny what I ought to do in favor of what's right in front of me.
But I've been so blessed with strong friends and a patient husband who have continued to challenge me. My life is so much more than my circumstances. What I think I have to offer is different from what God has called me to give. And that gap that I seem to be stuck on, the pause of I-don't-need-to-because-I-can't, is wrong. My lack of discipline isn't because I don't understand what discipline is or why I need it. It's a fear of losing comfort. The more that becomes clear to me the more I want to lean farther into my couch, blanket pulled up high.
But I’m also filled with hope. Hope that there is more to my life than what I see right now. Hope that this scary feeling is really just the beginning of something wonderful.
This past week we talked about how faith makes us give things up, but if we don’t give them up now we’ll end up losing them in the long run. I get it. I know that. But the application of it has been my journey. Is it yours too?