Skip to main content

Before Me

Ah the glories of a new semester.

The wonder of this being the last.

Rain has fallen nearly steadily since I returned to classes. Almost as if nature itself cannot console itself with the changing tides. That’s been a big theme for the past year. Change. Here I have talked a lot about how receptive I have been to it, but really that’s only a part of the picture.

I don’t publish the things I’ve been learning until long after I’ve realized the lesson is there. At times I am in the midst of it still, but yet, I am far from the beginning.

I’m reminded of that journey as I sit in an unfamiliar place imagining an unfamiliar scene. It would be so simple to just look out the window and picture what I’d like to be there – I so often do. But how often do I look to see what’s there?

What is right before my face.

Not often, I must admit.

It is so much easier for me to dream of something than to admit what I have is, well, what I have. An empty sidewalk is easily a running track for unicorns or an epic battle ripped from my history text. But it is hard to see the rain hitting the empty bricks as just that. When a person walks by, how easy for me to wind them into the drama I have created rather than admit them to their own category – reality.

As I said before, it takes me time to admit where I fall short. I think it’s because I often I have trouble seeing what’s there. I can see what could be there. As in, I see the ‘me’ I’ll probably be in 10 years. The ‘me’ I desire to be in a given circumstance.

The 'me' I am right now?

She’s not all that great.

But she wants to be.

And I suppose that’s the first lesson of 2013. The process, the journey, all the learning and reaching for what seems so unattainable that’s what I want. One day, that ‘me’ will be a reality. Because she’ll be redeemed and heavenly.

But today it’s okay to see soaked bricks.
Who knows, maybe soon they’ll float up into a castle in the sky…


Popular posts from this blog

I am Redeemed

You set me free. I don’t have to be, That old man inside of me. I’m not who I used to be. Thank God, I’m redeemed.
I’ve loved this song since it was released. The simple truth I so often forget. I am redeemed. It’s basic. Essentially basic. But why can’t I remember?
So often I find myself slipping into my version of “that old man.” I listened to a sermon awhile ago and the pastor talked about how everyone goes through times of desert. Then he started talking to me.
Just make sure you aren’t keeping yourself in the desert any longer than you have to. Longer than you have to.
The phrase played in my mind like tacky wordart. Big, bright letters swirling into sentences. Into meaning. Into my life.
I don’t have to be like that. I don’t have to do that or hide there. I am redeemed. Bought back. Made better.
Set free.
Don’t keep yourself in that desert any longer than you have to be there.
There is a special kind of grace in this remembering. I get to realize all over again how thirst-que…

On Still Moving

Any prayer requests?
That’s how my lit prof always starts class. This morning I was thinking, wishing I were there right now to shoot up my hand.
Yes! I have praise!
Although, I have to admit, that isn’t how I woke up.
It’s finals week. I was cranky and annoyed as well as emotionally drained from writing some pretty personal stories for my two thesis classes.
Like normal I reached for my phone to check the time – up before my alarm yet again.
This time I had a few text messages. One friend said some things I didn’t want to hear. Just like friends to share that sort of stuff we just have to hope it’s to benefit us, not to sting.
I was in a fine mood as I walked out to get started on breakfast. Scrambled eggs would help get me out of that funk right?
That’s what I was praying, anyway, just before I shared my news with my roommate as she headed out to class.
I brought my computer out to listen to a sermon. Recently in a crisis of emotion I told another roommate to listen to Tim Keller; it would…

First in Awhile

The past year or so I have been working with the youth group at the church I grew up in. Such an odd thing to wrap my mind around. The group that in so many ways formed who I am today is something I still get to be there for. Though now I'm the responsible one. The mature one. As our interim pastor says, "the one with all the answers." (He JOKES anyway).
I show up and help lead where I can. Because it's what is needed. And it's a calling I feel I have on my life. To work with young people, to help teach.
The irony is that my journey lately has taken me through a struggle with discipline. Becoming the person I need to be and doing the actions to get me there. I watch my husband and it seems so easy for him while for me often it's a battle ofbut I don't want to
And I have to admit comparisons have only intensified that feeling. It's so easy to sit back and deny what I ought to do in favor of what's right in front of me. 
But I've been so blessed w…