There’s a country song that talks about thanking God for unanswered prayers. I’ve always enjoyed it and looking back on my life I realize so many of my prayers were selfish and I am so thankful they did not come about as I had wished. But that’s not what I’m looking at in this point of my life. Today, well this season, I am looking at the prayers I fervently prayed that have been answered. Beyond just being answered, I even ‘got’ what I preferred. Now comes the second guessing. Should I have fought harder for option A even though I liked option B so much more? Was it because I wanted B that I let A slide by without actually attempting? Gah!
This is a fun stage of life. So many choices lie before me like an endless hallway of open doors yet I know that walking through one shuts seven others. What if I don’t like the door I go through? I’ll never know if another door would have been better – not after it’s closed. I did mean it when I said I thought this was a fun stage, terrifying, but fun. I’m young. I’m healthy. I have a life full of people and things I love. I can go anywhere and do just about anything (math teacher was ruled out early!) I just want to be sure that what I do, where I go, is what God wants of me.
I know that my life is meant to glorify Him. I can do that in any profession in any country or any part of this one. My heart pulls me in certain directions while my brain tells me to just wait and see. So I test the waters: all of them. I’m looking at grad schools all over. I’m considering taking time off from school to work. Then I reconsider grad school. I look at my friends, see their triumphs and mistakes and try to learn all I can. But all the learning in the world doesn’t mean a whole lot if I never get up the guts to apply it anywhere.
Next life lesson? Application. Along with about a thousand other things I need to learn to become who I ought to be.